The Bully Without and the Bully Within
I know very few people who have not been bullied in some way, to some degree, at some point in their lives, including myself. Bullying can be physical, emotional, verbal, taking place in person, behind someone’s back, and now on the internet. Such bullying is intended to intimidate, shame, diminish, and harm, all for the sake of power and control for the bully. We are taught that if we are young, we should turn to the adults in our lives for help and protection; if we are older, “hold our head high,” and act as though the bullying doesn’t matter; if we meet the bully on their own terms, we might succeed in ending the bullying or further harm could occur.
As we grow, while we unconsciously and consciously develop many psychological defenses, we have three fundamental biological defenses. From birth to about two and a half, our first such defense is “freezing” or “playing dead.” While an infant or young child might protest in some simple form (like crying, or later hitting or biting), their best option is to surrender in hopes the perpetrator will go away. The next defense comes on board from two and a half years to adolescence when the child has some mobility, the ability to run, and a rudimentary sense of time and space: time to get away (to flee) and find some other place to go (to hide). That doesn’t mean that a child might not fight back even at a young age, but it won’t do much good – they will be quickly overcome physically. Finally, in adolescence when strength is achieved along with height and weight, confrontation or fighting back can work, especially in domestic abuse when the teen can match a threatening parent. Many schools, churches, temples, and workplaces have zero tolerance policies in place to further protect victims. As much as these various approaches might be effective, we have another source of bullying to Continue reading The Bully Without and the Bully Within by Dr. Gweneth Erwin
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